Body Part Banterist Pillows

Shoe salesman, huh? Isn't it kinda gross touching people's feet all day?

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Peach flirting with a banana.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"I think it stopped breathing."

"I'm fascinated by body language."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

An Archeologic Dig

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Wonders of evolution: Same face, totally different meaning.

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

'When you approach a customer, don't have your hands in your pockets.'

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

"It takes me only one drink to get drunk. Its either the seventh or eighth."