Body Image Joker Gifts

'If you count my outie, I've got a seven-pack.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Me when by BDD shows up

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

'The secret to great abs? Marker pen.'

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

"Do my glutes look big in these?"

"Processed food was his undoing. He was eating a salad sandwich in the warehouse, when a pallet of pork pies fell on him!"

Brendan suddenly realizes it was a mistake posting 'Susan, will you marry me?' to the stadium's jumble tron.

Warning: Eating this food could result in a decrease of health benefits

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

birthday meets reality

"This was supposed to be 'Gluten-Free Comedy Night.' Which means no wheat jokes."

"I call it the 'Fasting diet'. Also known as the 'Where's all the food gone?!!' diet."

'A hunger strike seems quite excessive, guys. Could we go on a 'watching our figure' strike instead?'

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you - does this suit make me look fat?"

'And I'm'm not coming out of there 'til I'm amber!'

What about your 5-a-day?