Body Odor Joker Gifts

"It's a wheeble or some such thing, but still no sign of a deoderant."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Pope tarts.

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

Taking control of his opponent, Darren quickly slapped some deodorant on him.

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

Jim's Smart Kettle

"If you have one more round it's considered a main dish."

"I recommend the salad, fatty"

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

Medusa's bathtub

'If you count my outie, I've got a seven-pack.'

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

"Processed food was his undoing. He was eating a salad sandwich in the warehouse, when a pallet of pork pies fell on him!"

Warning: Eating this food could result in a decrease of health benefits

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

Vegetarian taxidermy

'House red please.'

Waiter, there's a fly drowning in my soup. Try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'