Dining Joker Gifts

"If you have one more round it's considered a main dish."

Waiter, there's a fly drowning in my soup. Try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

'House red please.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

Pope tarts.

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

I'll try the cod surprise.

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

'Can't we have something other than curry for a change?'

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

'It's her signature dish.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

Virgin Olive Oil. Not-Virgin-But-Has-A-Heart-Of-Gold Olive Oil.

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"