Body Odor Joker Pillows

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

Jim's Smart Kettle

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

"If you have one more round it's considered a main dish."

"I recommend the salad, fatty"

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'If you count my outie, I've got a seven-pack.'

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

Medusa's bathtub

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

Warning: Eating this food could result in a decrease of health benefits

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

"Processed food was his undoing. He was eating a salad sandwich in the warehouse, when a pallet of pork pies fell on him!"

Vegetarian taxidermy

'House red please.'

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

'Your table will be ready shortly.'