Body Image Joker Prints

'If you count my outie, I've got a seven-pack.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Me when by BDD shows up

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"It's a wheeble or some such thing, but still no sign of a deoderant."

Jim's Smart Kettle

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

'The secret to great abs? Marker pen.'

"Do my glutes look big in these?"

"Processed food was his undoing. He was eating a salad sandwich in the warehouse, when a pallet of pork pies fell on him!"

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

Brendan suddenly realizes it was a mistake posting 'Susan, will you marry me?' to the stadium's jumble tron.

Warning: Eating this food could result in a decrease of health benefits

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

birthday meets reality

"I call it the 'Fasting diet'. Also known as the 'Where's all the food gone?!!' diet."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you - does this suit make me look fat?"

"This was supposed to be 'Gluten-Free Comedy Night.' Which means no wheat jokes."

"No matter how much I workout, my arms still look sticks."

'A hunger strike seems quite excessive, guys. Could we go on a 'watching our figure' strike instead?'

'And I'm'm not coming out of there 'til I'm amber!'

'Before he grew his beard, Kris Kringle was know as St 'Nick', patron saint of people who cut themselves shaving.'