Boastful Buddy Gifts

"Tonight: date with an angel: gonna meet her at seven: be on my way to heaven. Get the picture, Bob?"

"Pfff, eating homework is nothing! My mum eats the clothes off the clothes line..."

Peach flirting with a banana.

"I think it stopped breathing."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Come on dear, don't be shy: This little she-chameleon just wants to play...'

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

'It was a gift.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'I don't know much about Art, but i can tell you all about his wife.'

'Oh yeah, well, MY DADDY can scare ELEPHANTS!'

'Bragging at the Old Physicists' & Old Writers' Home.'

"When's the last time you shaved, little buddy?"

I used my first draft pick on the turkey leg. It's a proven point-getter! I drafted potatoes. They're not flashy but they are a reliable performer! I'll trade my cranberry sauce for you pie. It's a win-win trade that will benefit us both! No trades -- This pie will score a lot of points for me later! Why are they talking about this wonderful meal like it's fantasy football? It's not a game with winners and losers here. You're absolutely right! Just being here together sharing this meal,

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

'Did you spill my pint?'

'Blah, blah, blah....'

'Do you know the Lincolnshire poacher?'

"I tell the truth, and sometimes it's funny."

"You know all the best pubs for lunch, Seamus."

Albatross bragging about his latest catch...

'You're nuts! It isn't any hotter than usual so quit brining up global warming!'

'What's the point of having a luxury car if you put it in the garage at night?'

'And that's only the size of the fly.'

'This should come out just right.'

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

Ha! My grandma could cast farther than that! Doug's day of fishing for compliments was not going as planned …