Blooming Jokester Gifts

A clown waters his garden with squirting flower

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Hardy Annuals

Fleas Navidad.

"Merry Christmas"

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Men dancing

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

'Classical music, huh?...You mean like Elvis?'

Elf of the Month

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

C is for Cracker

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

"I'm very highly strung!"

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.