Bloodhounds Gifts

'I would like you to please not tell people I'm a stalker!'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

A child and his dog

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

Homemade dog biscuits.

"I can never remember, how much do we tip?"

Hip Hop Physician: 'Put a halt on salt and cut back on fat. Are you down with that?'

'We don't do tricks.. because then they'll begin to expect it.'

'Heel.'

'Vet clinic? I'd like to make an appointment for a physical. It's been seven years.'

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

A typical Monday. Zombie Truck-Driving Maniacs! South Pole Penguin Love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

Lessons from the fossil record: Discarded consumer goods in the anthropocene layer in the rock strata.

Skier leaves his skis behind.

"Some puppies get bored when they're alone, but my family left me enough chew toys to last all day."

"That's impressive, but I asked you to roll over."

"They're remaking the old 'Dracula' film again..."

'It says here that most people believe what they read in the papers.'

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

Unemployment Contagion

'Born again birthdays don't count.'

"Very Funny."

"Speaking personally, I haven't had my day, and I've never met any dog who has."

Pet Games

"When we arrive at our destination, they'll hook m husband up to a machine that will keep him alive - a minibar."

'...I'd prefer it if you didn't fetch my iPad.'

Fetching the Ball

Dogs Awaiting the Arrival of Father Christmas

"I've trained him to hunt down the remote."

"My favorite is also 'let sleeping dogs lie'."