Blockbuster Fan Gifts

Rialto: a brief respite between the summer deluge of bottom-feeder crap and the winter deluge of upscale crap

Popcorn.

"Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by a string of great hollywood blockbusters."

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

"She's been so creative lately."

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

Film Festival. Events. Screenings. Ernie attends these festivals in costume. He's gone over to the dork side!

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"Stick Figure" "Stick Figure II" "Stick Figures" "Stick Figure: The Reawakening"

Movies vs. Films

'Say, are you in the mood for a Spielberg?'

THE WICKERMAN (Hollywood style)

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

Computer wheeled down red carpet at film premiere. TV presenter says: 'Now, at last, here comes the real star of the movie!'

"I see you've flown around the world in a plane, and settled revolutions in Spain. Around a golf course you're under par. Metro-Goldwyn has asked you to star. Very impressive, I must admit, but we're looking for someone with marketing experience."

The Directors Gut.

'It's a horror-comedy.'

Christopher Nolan caricature

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'

Sylvester Stallone

The mission: Impossible burger.

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

Dr. Strangelove, D.D.S.

I want to be a lawn!

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Jaws 3 - The Litigation

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

Best Special Effects Award

It's busy at the amusement park. The adrenaline's been having fun on the roller coaster, but the stomach cell looks queasy on the tilt-a-whirl! The hormones are going into the tunnel of love again, and the helium atoms are heading toward the complaint booth. They're saying the parachute drop didn't work for them. Any other problems down there? Yeah, the white blood cells are being kicked out. Apparently they tried to attack the staph!

"He's the exception: a fly on the wall who made it big in blockbuster movies."