Blockbuster Lover Gifts

Computer wheeled down red carpet at film premiere. TV presenter says: 'Now, at last, here comes the real star of the movie!'

"What kind of moviemaking do we want to reinforce?"

"It's a niche movie. Then there's a car chase, and – bam – mass market."

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Trump! The Musical

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"Bloody hell!"

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"The Eggsorcist"

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'

Star Wars Audience

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Movies vs. Films

Tom Hanks

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

Kirsten Johnson

"Stick Figure" "Stick Figure II" "Stick Figures" "Stick Figure: The Reawakening"

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"Press catch up, and find out what we just slept through."

"I'm sick of watching the same movie every day."

Hooray for Bollywood!

Cinéma Vérité

"How come there's no feel-good performance art?"