Blame Artist Gifts

'It was productive once we found someone to blame.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

'I suppose you'll use this as an excuse for turning in your homework in late again.'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'Truth? I am just looking out the window...'

'An essay on what I did last summer? -- I was hoping to let all that stuff blow over.'

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

'Don't blame yourself, Jenkins... let me do that!'

'I'll try blaming it on auto correct and if that doesn't work, I'll blame you.'

My daddy ate my homework

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

"I was saying a silent prayer, but I must have dozed off and talked in my sleep."

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

'To address this mistake we must use root-cause analysis. I'll begin by saying it's not my fault.'

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

Take your time coming back...they're looking for scapegoats.

'We're looking for someone who's very responsible. In fact, we're looking for someone who's always responsible.'

A boy and his spin patrol.

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

'I did my homework on my computer and before I could print it, it crashed.'

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

"It's an even numbered day. Do we blame the message or the messenger on even numbered days?"

'Can't come in to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty bug.'

Management by committee: 'The buck stops here, here, here, here,,,'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, Mac, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"I'm not worried because somehow all this is your fault."

'It was self-defense - the clock struck first.'