Excuse Artist Gifts

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

'For some strange reason, Smythe, I don't believe you're leaving work because you're not feeling well. Next time don't wear the diving gear, it's a dead giveaway.'

'Normally I want results, not excuses, Higgins, but these are brilliant...'

'Can't come in to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty bug.'

'The numbers on my report card aren't good, but I question the school's methodology.'

Other Patron Saints of Christmas

'Honey, it looks like I'll have to stay a few extra days. You know how hard it is when I'm on assignment.'

"Nice try, but you can't blame a messy room on standardized testing."

"I can't come out this week, I'm washing my hair."

'Sorry I'm late, but I didn't get here on time.'

Jimmy Green won't be at school today, this is my father speaking...

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"I've discovered that I'm homework intolerant."

"Yes, Mr. James is in. What excuse would you like to hear for him not seeing you?"

'We don't have a dog so I guess my parents ate my homework.'

"We can't e-mail our homework, can we?"

"Sorry I'm late, chief - I fell back when I should have sprung ahead."

"Arithmetic doesn't agree with me."

"The parking is terrible, so we decided to never do anything again."

At last, an excuse not to exercise!

'It was self-defense - the clock struck first.'

'I was not playing hooky. I was giving home schooling a test run.'

"I'm doing what the sign says."

'McWit, I suppose you'll use this as an excuse for you getting your reports in late again.'

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

"I'd love to invite you in for coffee, but I'm sure you understand."

"How did computer hackers manage to destroy your handwritten book report?"

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

My daddy ate my homework

'The grades aren't MY fault -- I think Mrs. Pomeroy is teaching-disabled.'

'I'd like to blame the economy.'

'Sorry I'm late -- some space aliens zapped me with a temporary amnesia ray.'

'What excuse have you invented THIS time?'

'I'm afraid I can't go out with you tonight: I'm washing my brain.'

"Sorry, professor... A black hole sucked in my homework!"