Black Hole Humorists Gifts

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

Cat Heaven vs Mouse Hell.

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'Mayday! Mayday! I'm in the drink!'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

"That's the preacher's dog."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

It is said there is a black hole in the middle of the galaxy. But heaven knows what it looks like!

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

Guide fish.

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.