Bistro Lovers T-Shirts

"The income tax check arrived today. . . let#s go blow it at Carmine's Bistro!"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Hats and Food

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

"I'd like to toast our guests."

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

Bed and Breakfast

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

'Can I get a box for this?'

"Sorry Sir, but what exactly were you expecting to be served when you ordered the 'early bird special'."

'How do you guys want your trans fatty acids prepared?'

'It's one of those trendy 'warm salads,' with sausage, fried eggs, bacon and black pudding.'

'How do you prepare your chicken?' 'We just tell 'em they're gonna die.'

"Linguini for two?"

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

'Know something? Love IS wonderful!'

'All our family's creativity is channelled into finding ways to gain weight.

'Maybe that'll teach you not to argue with the waiter over the bill!'

Three Pigs.

Repletion.

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

'Our Monday night '90-off wine night' isn't exactly working wonders for Tuesday thru Saturday.'

Munch Master.

"I'd just as soon it wasn't cut into those funny little pieces, if you don't mind."

All Day Deals!

"You'd clean and set tables and make sure that each table hs a salt lick and pepper."