Bistro Boss T-Shirts

"If you want extra virgin oil on the salad that's a £5 supplement...."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Aprons

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"He won't stop and ask for directions when he COOKS, either."

"It's a cookout-act stupid!"

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

'A lovely day, a good meal, and, thank heaven, no guilt.'

I bake my own bread.

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

'Our Monday night '90-off wine night' isn't exactly working wonders for Tuesday thru Saturday.'

"I'd just as soon it wasn't cut into those funny little pieces, if you don't mind."

"Are you ready for the working breakfast?"

"Lemonade" "Vodka"

Garlic, the wonderful stinking rose.

'It's the same as our regular Angels hair pasta, but with extra grease.'

"Last time I ordered Rock and you ordered Paper, so this time..."

Vlad the Impaler - The Later Years.

"I only allow myself one after a meal - I'm now down to 43 meals a day!"

The Steaks have a Last Desperate Attempt to Escape

I'm the Chef

'Ortiz, your timing is off...'

'Marge tells me you're a welder by profession.'

'Dreamy! Now how many pounds of beef can you put on one bun?'

'I hate making decisions - just bring me a bottle of each.'

'And none of yor deflationary wit - just attend to the bar-b-q-.'

'Dad's teaching me about the all-you-can-eat buffet line and how to get the most out of each trip.'

TGI Doomsday.

'Todays special is yesterdays left overs.'

"I eat here all the time so I can be a regular."