Bistro Diner Gifts

'As I was saying, the opening of the modern screwcap bottle just doesn't have the same glamour, as opening a cork-finished bottle.'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Countervailing Clichés.

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Excellent cork, go ahead and pour.'

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

'You made me jump,'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

'Our Monday night '90-off wine night' isn't exactly working wonders for Tuesday thru Saturday.'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

"I'd just as soon it wasn't cut into those funny little pieces, if you don't mind."

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Cafe offers corn several ways.

Did you slice this beef? You nearly missed.

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!