Bistro Owner Gifts

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Okay, oxygen ready, smelling salts ready. We'll have the '96 Trollenhoffenbergen skastellangenhorstund grabenkuchenlangenkirchen blumchenschallensetzen schnitzeldorfenflanken...'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Cut Price

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Fast food. Even faster food

'Do you have any catsup?'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Today's special... donuts.

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Shaken not stirred

Kitchen Kapers

"It's a new countertop draft system for craft beer!"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"This is our soft opening."

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!