Birthdays For Politicians Gifts

John Bolton.

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"He likes it."

"Feel free to take notes."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

The No No No's

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

"When did she start crawling?"

"Oh boy! Mom made microchip cookies!"

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

Piano Recital

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

"Mom, Mom, watch me!"

New Resident of Downing Street

Downloading Pregnancy

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

"He just said his first word!"

'Baby's first two-step.'

'You're hopeful - worrying about what underwear to wear for the office party!'

"I have 25 patients in my counselling group...Mrs Sherman, Mr Martin, and Mr Martins 23 other personalities."

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

Things I've learned...

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'