Birthdays For Politicians Pillows

John Bolton.

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"He likes it."

"Feel free to take notes."

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

The No No No's

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

"When did she start crawling?"

"Oh boy! Mom made microchip cookies!"

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

Piano Recital

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

'You're hopeful - worrying about what underwear to wear for the office party!'

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

Downloading Pregnancy

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

'Baby's first two-step.'

New Resident of Downing Street

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

"He just said his first word!"

"Mom, Mom, watch me!"

"I have 25 patients in my counselling group...Mrs Sherman, Mr Martin, and Mr Martins 23 other personalities."

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

Things I've learned...

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work