Birthday Celebrant With A Twist Gifts

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

Vegetarian Birthdays.

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

"I'm not going to do any work...cos it's my birthday!"

Happy Bifurcation Day,

'I'd say you're a little late...'

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

"Happy new year!"

'It seems with every year my hot flashes get worse.'

Psychologist Birthdays

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'If there was one thing Methusela hated. It was his Birthday bumps.

The first birthday gift.

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

"Meanwhile at Oak Vista Rest Home... In case of birthday cake fire break glass."

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

'That does it! I've had it with that nincompoop! Every time there's a birthday, he's the first to sign the card and he never leaves room for anyone else!'

Life begins at 60

'It's nice to see you all,but I was just going out to work.'

Happy Eightieth Birthday

The Big Bad Wolf Turns 50.

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"'APP'y Birthday!"

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"She just uses all that make-up to hide her age."

'I must be getting older, the cards joking about my age just don't seem as funny anymore'

Alien Birthdays...

'Born again birthdays don't count.'

Handel sitting on a piano