Birth Of A Baby Girl Gifts

Mime Baby

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"His first out-of-body experience."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

'I told you it would be useful.'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

Baby Piano

My First Camera

A midwife holding a baby

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"That's not how I sat on you."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?