Bill Breakdown Artist Gifts

'I'm looking for legal advice.' 'Don't get involved with lawyers. That will be £75.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"Today we're going to talk about lowering the drawbridge."

I am billing, therefore I am.

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

"I'm not sure if that bill is correct or not, sir. We just throw a bunch of charges on there to see which ones stick."

'I wish you'd put the heater back on Frank! Even the wall ducks have gone somewhere warmer!'

'I'm sorry Daisy. Things can never be the same between us!'

The entrées were $30 each. The extra $15 is for all that damn fresh pepper you made me grind!

Duel Fuel?

Social Networking Sites for the Unemployed

'I've solved the problem of oil or gas heat...We can't afford either.'

"Well, goodbye, Emily. It's May 19th. You may remember my having mentioned some time ago that I was going to leave you on May 19th."

"I've just thought of a way to save the company £25,000 a year."

"Separate checks as always, Dr Jekyll."

Cannonball!

The planned obsolescence blues

'...Okay...so who had the thirteen bottles of Chardonnay?'

'. . . And Keith magically had to go to the bathroom right when the bill arrives. . . why do I always have to pay the lion's share?'

"Penny for your thoughts? I'm a solicitor, it'll cost you five hundred!"

A huge tongue pokes through a letterbox.

"It's a quote from the builder, he says that the $2000 will just cover the cost of him coming over to laugh at us!"

Caution! Peak power and electric bill shock possible.

"Our gas bill's been levelled up."

"It's a windfall bill."

"He's something new. Our phone bill now has a monthly stub perforation fee."

How to spot the early signs of Book Fair meeting meltdown.

Sewage bill

Jonathon slipped out for a crafty fag.

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

These text messages from the phone company are killing me!

I don't understand why you get so many chicks and I can't get the time of day. I'm a professional. I spend hours studying the craft, working on technique, and I never take rejection personally. Whenever a chick turns me down, I look at it simply as test marketing. And when they say yes? A chance to work on my breakup technique.

"Pardone Monsieur, the restaurant is non smoking"