Bill Payback Aficionado Gifts

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"I'm as progressive as they come, except for my money. No one touches my money."

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

Abacus.

I am billing, therefore I am.

'You realize, of course, Death is the ultimate tax shelter?'

"I charge by the grain."

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

Looking for a way to have their cake and eat it too.

'Reinventing myself.'

"It's about all the treasure laid up here."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure you're single-handedly keeping the U.S. postal service in business."

Rich react to higher taxes.

Duel Fuel?

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

"We don't let computers mess up your medical records. We do it by hand."

'If you loan me five bucks for lunch, I'll co-sponsor that $80 billion appropriation bill of yours.'

"Oh come on Dad, you know I'm not VAT registered. Just give me my pocket money!"

'My homework? Why, at home.'

"He killed in rehab."

Two coffees, Miss Jones - one with sodium pentathol.

"When it comes to technology, Fred lives in the moment. The moment is 1987."

"By all means, don't limit yourself to only one Tuesday a year..."

Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.

"Kid, you got a 'While You Were Out' message."

"Separate checks as always, Dr Jekyll."

'I'm looking for legal advice.' 'Don't get involved with lawyers. That will be £75.'

Inland Revenue VAT - "Mr Batson, the consequences are here."