Bill-paying Hero Gifts

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"I charge by the grain."

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure you're single-handedly keeping the U.S. postal service in business."

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

'Here, check it by processing my bill.'

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

"It drives me crazy when people whine about discrepancies in school funding..."

'I don't mind hand-me-downs. I just wish my brother had played football.'

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

Super Six

Oilfield worker eating fancy sundae from lunchbox.

From "The Letters Of Jeffrey Flanders and Tip-Top Utility"

Curate tells two miners that he hopes to see them on Sunday. They reply that he is welcome to come fighting with them if he likes.

'We thought that you'd want to keep up with your work at the office.'

"It's something from the gas company. Don't they know it takes more than bold red font, to move me to respond. I need to be wooed, fawned over. After all, I'm more than a checkbook."

"The plumber is here."

'How goes the billing?'

"E. R., ACME Accounting: 11:57 P.M., April 14th"

'He arrives before and leaves after everyone else...probably homeless.'

"No need to rush down - it's only the gas bill."

"That, of course, is the military solution."

Dual Fuel Bill in Hell

Billy strip: paying bills with a smile.

"No, I paid the electric bill."

"Did you pay the gravity bill?"

'It's a hand-me-down.'

"In the middle of filing your income tax electronically, there was a power failure?"