Bicycle Fixer Gifts

Drool Marks

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

You had me at vintage.

'I think I've found what's been causing my funny buzzing sounds.'

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

'I need a really loud horn. My brakes are a bit spongy.'

"Sorry, but that's a road racing bike. I'm a mountain bike specialist."

Mad Cyclist Disease, the latest problem to plague cyclists.

A man with a deflated bicycle stands in line at the tire inflator.

'Before you say it's got some old parts, remember that you repaired it last time.'

Bicycle Pie Chart

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

'Forget about going to the store for a bicycle patch. I used one of your nicotine patches.'

"Wait! Do you think the quick release bolts are a good idea?"

Man-spreading, Dutch style.

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

'Never accuse me of not lending a hand. I've just sewn your bicycle patch on.'

Deux Ex Mechanic

The Mechanic

Wheelies Gang.

'Before you say it's got some old parts, remember that you repaired it last time.'

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

"I've got a punture in the back wheel." "Just raise the saddle up."

Man with deflated sex doll at air pump.

Man tinkers his bike.

"This Michael Cohen is giving fixers a bad name."

"You say the seat needs to be raised."

"There's a slight crack in your frame, but it's hard to tell what caused it – stress, proximity to water, or a combination of both."