Biblical Languages Gifts

"Sitteth."

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

Moses on the web

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Do you think that's wise?'

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."