Bible Study Group Gifts

I know, right? The only thing weirder than being swallowed by a whale is being swallowed by a whale with Wi-Fi.

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

TSA Noah

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Caption Contest TK

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

Bible Bloopers

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

"Does the ark have wifi?"

"I really don't care what yours says. My weather app says rain for 40 days and 40 nights. I think you should probably go with that, Noah."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."