Bible Enthusiast Gifts

"Dear God, Thank you for the nice commandments."

"Wait, people! Let's not rush into a bad deal."

Martin Luther

'Living nine hundred years is okay, except you feel so darn anachronistic!'

'Look, thanks for your concern, but I think a flood is something we can cope with!'

Saint Paul in a Roman prison cell with Onesimus.

'Hello, Noah...the good news is, you're going on a cruise...the bad news is, you're going to need this!'

"Moses, all tests indicate you have a staff infection."

'Darn -- I forgot to ask Him if the Sabbath is Saturday or Sunday!'

Three very wise men.

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

"So who should we believe, the mysterious disembodied voice or the surprisingly persuasive talking snake?"

'You realize, these are going to lead to a lot of hypocrisy.'

'What's the matter with you boys? You can't even read a blueprint.'

'Crowd control has never been easier since this Moses guy joined up.'

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Never mind."

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

Jacob prepares to wrestle the Angel of the Lord.

'Come on Jesus, just one more miracle. Turn this water into coffee and I am good...'

"You have to admire their ingenuity at least -- They're burying their apple cores."

'Moses, I'm going to have to fine you for failing to get an Environmental Impact Statement before parting the Red Sea.'

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

'The apple? I ate the snake.'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

The Eleventh and Least Effective Biblical Plague...

'Not so fast - What about health care?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Visiting the aquarium was never the same for Jonah after the Nineveh incident.

Old Testament God vs New Testament God.

"No, they don't come into effect from midnight. They come into effect from now!"

'Is it any good?'

'Before I begin, everyone, take a deep cleansing breath.'

'Let there be cool.'