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"Dear God, Thank you for the nice commandments."

"Wait, people! Let's not rush into a bad deal."

Martin Luther

'Living nine hundred years is okay, except you feel so darn anachronistic!'

'Look, thanks for your concern, but I think a flood is something we can cope with!'

'Hello, Noah...the good news is, you're going on a cruise...the bad news is, you're going to need this!'

"Moses, all tests indicate you have a staff infection."

Saint Paul in a Roman prison cell with Onesimus.

'Darn -- I forgot to ask Him if the Sabbath is Saturday or Sunday!'

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

Three very wise men.

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'Crowd control has never been easier since this Moses guy joined up.'

'You realize, these are going to lead to a lot of hypocrisy.'

'What's the matter with you boys? You can't even read a blueprint.'

"So who should we believe, the mysterious disembodied voice or the surprisingly persuasive talking snake?"

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

'Before I begin, everyone, take a deep cleansing breath.'

'Moses, I'm going to have to fine you for failing to get an Environmental Impact Statement before parting the Red Sea.'

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

'Is it any good?'

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Never mind."

'Come on Jesus, just one more miracle. Turn this water into coffee and I am good...'

The Eleventh and Least Effective Biblical Plague...

'The apple? I ate the snake.'

Visiting the aquarium was never the same for Jonah after the Nineveh incident.

'Hit him again Martha he still hasn't repented...'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Jesus' First Unrecorded Miracle as a Child.

'Not so fast - What about health care?'

Old Testament God vs New Testament God.

"No, they don't come into effect from midnight. They come into effect from now!"

'Let there be cool.'

'Who was the fastest runner in history?'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.