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'They say they are a pair of bureaucrats who are just as important to the planet as any other life form.'

'Hello? Is this Tech Support? I think my tablets might be broken. . .'

Holy Bible - Author Signing Today

Samson Gets Off at Fourteen

Noah's Ark

"You're not even wearing underpants!"

"The Catholic Bible's a better deal. You get 7 more books for the same price."

On hot days Jesus said to his disciples...

"Sorry Paul. The firewood must have been aspen."

"Spoiler alert in the Galilee precinct, boss, they insist they don't want to know that child's gender."

"Now be careful Goliath or you will shoot your eye out."

'Jesus keeps saying, 'To the Lord, a thousand years is like a day.' Then, when I ask him to clean his room, he tells me he'll get to it 'in a second.' By my calculations, he's not going to do it for 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes, and 13 seconds.'

'How many of each animal should I take?'

'I fully support your goals, but I can't condone your methods.'

'Hey! - Do these make me the Aleph-male?'

'Lot was told to take his wife and daughter and flee from Sodom.'

'Yeah, these will make us a little conspicuous -- That's the idea!'

'Methuselah is very depressed. The doctor gave him only 85 more years to live.'

Adam and Eve leave the Garden of Eden; 'Next stop, Bloomingdales!'

'I thought the pop-ups would give it that extra punch. Whataya think?'

"Sorry Moses, but this is the wilderness. The promised land is 40 years the other direction."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

"Matthew, Mark, Luke, Peter. John you are out of order again."

Chastity Belts in the Garden of Eden

Where did you get a fig leaf TATTOO?

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

The Kids' Table at the Last Supper

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."