Benefit Skeptic Gifts

"I just found out the amount of my monthly pension. They should rename this office the INHUMAN relations department!"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'We hoped you'd respond more enthusiastically to our incentive program.'

A happy poor man is given money by a rich man and is no longer happy.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

'My work is based on a version of the truth, but I believe the truth to be fluid...'

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

Guide to Working Class Investing

'Does your company have a dental plan?'

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

'Rumors...'

Home improvements do not always represent a sound investment.

see no evil...hear no evil...SEC can't even spell evil

"I just want enough to get out of the country, and disappear forever."

'Such a small bonus.'

Employee Benefits

'Well, I'm AGAINST adding a course in business methods to the curriculum....