Incentive Skeptic Gifts

'We hoped you'd respond more enthusiastically to our incentive program.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"Everyone, please welcome our new VP of being promoted and paid lots more than you for no apparent reason!"

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

The suggestion box.

'Would you believe it took 60 people and a half a million dollars to come up with that?'

"Most of us get around the company motto by saying 'No can do' instead!"

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'I've been to better motivational seminars.'

That should get you motivated.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Suggestions Box

"When we met, Marc promised to be the wind under my wings but it turned out to be all hot air."

Dangling Carrots

Recycling Depot - Magazines, Newspapers, Free CDs, books, 8 page pull-outs and other promotions

"Any questions regarding our financial incentive plan?"

'This is about the poster isn't it?'

'What happens when we run out of gas?!'

'My work is based on a version of the truth, but I believe the truth to be fluid...'

Finish your spinach and claim a free laptop!

"For the last time, don't run 'persistence is the key to success by me again."

Man chasing carrot.

'Sorry...I don't do hugs!'

Thinking of throwing the 'Think' sign into the garbage.

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

"The $350 we received to stimulate the economy is still missing..."

"If at first you don't succeed is not company policy, Anderson."

'We're only ten tech support calls away from another free pizza!'

'Retire now and we'll throw in this set of steak knives! But wait, that's not all...'

'Such a small bonus.'