Motivation Skeptic Gifts

Motivational Tools.

'I've been to better motivational seminars.'

'Before our board meeting, let us pray beneath the fabled 'Contract of Inspiration''.

'This is about the poster isn't it?'

"For the last time, don't run 'persistence is the key to success by me again."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

Alternative Medicine

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

The suggestion box.

"Most of us get around the company motto by saying 'No can do' instead!"

'Would you believe it took 60 people and a half a million dollars to come up with that?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

That should get you motivated.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'We hoped you'd respond more enthusiastically to our incentive program.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Suggestions Box

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"When we met, Marc promised to be the wind under my wings but it turned out to be all hot air."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Science deniers Soc.

"Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must be a creationist."

Documentation Please

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

'Sorry...I don't do hugs!'