Motivational Quotes Skeptic Gifts

Buckle Down! It's the Law!

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

'Would you believe it took 60 people and a half a million dollars to come up with that?'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"Most of us get around the company motto by saying 'No can do' instead!"

"Finally, a succinct corporate mission statement."

'I've been to better motivational seminars.'

That should get you motivated.

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Everything opens up as a new day begins.

"If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we admit that the moon landing was a big conspiracy?"

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

"You can do it!"

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'This is about the poster isn't it?'

"Oh, I know He works in mysterious ways, but if I worked that mysteriously I'd get fired."

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

The conspiracy behind conspiracy theories.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

Cemetery with graves engraved 'traditional medicine' and 'alternative medicine'.

"I'm really impressed with your work ethic."

"The sky isn't really falling -- I'm just trying to make a living."

'Seize another day... This one is mine.'