Behavioral Science Buff Gifts

"Mr. Smythe, Billy Brownell is here for his anti-bullying counseling session."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cat box"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"First date hairball... awkward."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

Banana Split Personality

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Oh, I'm thrilled with my new dog! He's sort of a hunter/retriever/plumber/electrician."

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

"Did you just do a rooster?"

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"You dropped yer wallet."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

'The Lemming Book Store'

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"All a cat CAN do is strive for authenticity."

'I screwed up royally!'

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'

"Oh boy, that was a huge belly-flop..."

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"