Behavioralist Buff Gifts

Konrad Lorenz

"Cat box"

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Banana Split Personality

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

"Oh, I'm thrilled with my new dog! He's sort of a hunter/retriever/plumber/electrician."

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

"Did you just do a rooster?"

"You dropped yer wallet."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'I screwed up royally!'

'The Lemming Book Store'

"All a cat CAN do is strive for authenticity."

"Oh boy, that was a huge belly-flop..."

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'

'Of course I'm paranoid and delusional, dummy! -- I was abducted by aliens, for crying out loud!'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Psychoanalysis

Roger feels that there are only two inante instincts in men and women. One is satisfaction of biological needs...the other is self-actualization.

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

"Every time I explore the corners of my mind, I have the urge to dust."

Ostrich Curoisities