Behavioralist Buff Gifts

Konrad Lorenz

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Cat box"

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Banana Split Personality

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

"Oh, I'm thrilled with my new dog! He's sort of a hunter/retriever/plumber/electrician."

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

"Did you just do a rooster?"

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

"All a cat CAN do is strive for authenticity."

'I screwed up royally!'

'The Lemming Book Store'

"You dropped yer wallet."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'

"Oh boy, that was a huge belly-flop..."

Psychoanalysis

Ostrich Curoisities

'Of course I'm paranoid and delusional, dummy! -- I was abducted by aliens, for crying out loud!'

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."