Behavior Adventurer Gifts

"You have got to want to change."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"Needs to get a life"

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

A surprise in heaven

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'This is my kind of place. You knock bottles off a table with a baseball and get a prize instead of time-out!'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'You did help Junior with his science project.'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'This is way better than a litter box.'

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

Halo Frisbee.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"It's going to be one of those days."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

"Hey! I can see the Empire State Building!"

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

Ego Increasing School

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

Norman Wisdom at the Pearly Gates

Ideas that failed: Goliath Goats.

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

"I want you to learn from my mistakes."

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'