Bedside Critic Gifts

"Here - it's an invisible prescription for your imaginary pain."

"Talk nerdy to me."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"I feel your pain level."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Pop up begger.

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."

'Isn't there ANYTHING you can do, Doctor?'

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

"I find this helps, when I have to tell a patient some devastating news."

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

"Stop, you idiot! Can't you read?!"

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

'I love my mobile.'

"The surgery went well. It had spread, but I'm quite confident we got it all."

'I've called maintenance about your bed, Mr. Grimes...Mr. Grimes?'

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

Safety Pin

Robot Bores

End of the Pier Show