Bedroom Battler Gifts

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

"We've had a major development this year that I'm excited to share with the employees."

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson-of-the-board. One of you will be President.' (Men have fencing swords).

'Dog eat dog.'

"Oh good, you brought Robert's rules of order."

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

It's okay -- I'm training for the 2020 Olympics.

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

Fries and kids

"It's strictly business. Please don't take your financial ruin personally."

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Executive puts on brave face for board meeting.

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

'I told you, if the LA branch steals our thunder, there is no more dialogue.'

"How many verses of 'Froggie Went A-Courting' are there, Jay, before your pill kicks in?"

"These songbirds every morning at five A.M. would be really annoying if they weren't so damn talented."

Meetings and Conventions - Warfare

"All I have left to cut is my lunch money."

"You're late, Myers!"

Next Wave Collegiate Sports

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

Leaf-Blowers: Loudly making yardwork someone else's problem since the 1960s.

"This is part of the privatisation I don't like."

National corporate ladder of success monument.

"It's not that you're a failure. It's that you completely lack the capacity for success."