Bedroom Balladeer Gifts

"How many verses of 'Froggie Went A-Courting' are there, Jay, before your pill kicks in?"

'Here's one I wrote to cover the sound of my wife's voice telling me nobody is going to pay to hear my songs.'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

"The 'Sing Only in the Shower' Community Chorus"

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Hold on... did you mean to hit Snooze or Jazz?"

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

"I need to take a call. Argue amongst yourselves."

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

'I realize I'm making a huge salary... but I gotta be me.'

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

Harpist using her bed frame as a harp.

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."

Selfish man stealing the duvet.

'Paradise awaits pauline Norris' man in bed with a mask on

New Karma Sutra: No.1 The Begging Position.

"Bloody hell Mavis, the earth DID move!"

"I'm full of an unspeakable sadness and it goes a little something like this..."

"I enjoy role-playing, but do we really need the dramaturge?"

'She's my sex therapist.'

"Two minute warning..."

'Well, if none of you have anything to say we may as well knock off early and go home.'

"If the medical treatment doesn't work, I sing them songs about medical treatment."

"Hello, police? I want to report a noise issue!"