Bedroom Banter Enthusiast Pillows

'A Viagra is a terrible thing to waste'

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

"No. You turn over."

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Bed Fellow

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'We'll take it!'

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

'Gravity wins - again.'

Wine Lovers

"Well done Carson! This could be the answer to our bed shortage problems!"

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

'My member requires some interest.'

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

101 Positions/101 Excuses

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."

Chicane

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'

New Karma Sutra: No.1 The Begging Position.

He's a brilliant doctor, but his bedside manner needs work…

Selfish man stealing the duvet.

'Paradise awaits pauline Norris' man in bed with a mask on

"Bloody hell Mavis, the earth DID move!"

"Two minute warning..."