Bedside Banter Enthusiast Pillows

"I've a patient who needs a 'chat'...have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in a lighthearted, supportive but not disempowering manner' course?"

"I'm recommending a transplant. I'm transplanting you to another hospital."

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"No. You turn over."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

A lesson in wit

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

The Art of Bantering!

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'You're looking well.'