Bedroom Banter Pillows

'The issue isn't why are you touching me when I'm trying to read, it's why are you touching me period.'

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

"Sometimes I think our memory foam mattress knows too much."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"No. You turn over."

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

Bed Fellow

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

'Gravity wins - again.'

"Well done Carson! This could be the answer to our bed shortage problems!"

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

"Is there room for me?"

'My member requires some interest.'

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

Selfish man stealing the duvet.

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'

'Paradise awaits pauline Norris' man in bed with a mask on

He's a brilliant doctor, but his bedside manner needs work…

New Karma Sutra: No.1 The Begging Position.

Chicane

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

"Bloody hell Mavis, the earth DID move!"

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

'I think it's time we got rid of the espresso maker.'

' Dave - I need you to give me more space.'