Bedroom Antics Gifts

'And now...thanks to...the blue pill...a triple lutz.'

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

"They'd run out of nurses' uniforms..."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

"Abra-Viagra."

'We'll take it!'

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

Bed Fellow

'Know any other bed-time tricks?'

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

'Gravity wins - again.'

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

101 Positions/101 Excuses

'...I got my hands dirty washing my face!'

'My member requires some interest.'

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."

New Karma Sutra: No.1 The Begging Position.

Sex Games of the Married

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

Selfish man stealing the duvet.

Chicane

'Paradise awaits pauline Norris' man in bed with a mask on

"Bloody hell Mavis, the earth DID move!"

'She's my sex therapist.'