Beauty Standards Gifts

Whatever look you were aiming for..you missed!

"Does my body make me look fat?"

"Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's white cisheteropatriarchal standards of beauty."

"Of course, they would walk out here the week I don't shave my armpits."

"I don't care if they are fake. I like 'em."

Hey, Twig! You're not tanning are you? I know. I know. "Tan" is a superficial construct of abstract beauty standards. Right. Like good looks and being rich. So unappealing.

'I'd like a facelift for the woman next door!'

'I owe my creation to Dr. Frankenstein. But my botox, nose job and scar removal are the work of my plastic surgeon, Dr. Guida.'

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

'I was born as beautiful as you, but after a few years you will see...'

Fickle world of fashion

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

The adoration of the gels.

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Spa

Bad fake tan day.

Bad hair day!

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Dragon Hair-dryer.

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

Shampoo.

Beauty is in the eye of the manipulator.

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Lesser known greek gods,

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"Too much concealer?"

Dating is so expensive...

Pampered and poodled.