Beauty Standard Breaker Gifts

"Go ahead. I'm trying to watch my boyish figure."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

Missing my hair.

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

'I'll grow old gracefully when I want to and not any sooner.'

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Whatever look you were aiming for..you missed!

'It's the least I can do. I don't have enough money to get cloned.'

Romee Strijd caricature

"Girlfriend, you're not fat. You're just retaining a little water."

'I am reluctant to offer plastic surgery at this time, Miss Caterpillar: Why don't you let Nature take its course?'

Obstetrics, Gynecology and Waxing.

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

Virtual Super-Model.

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

'I was born as beautiful as you, but after a few years you will see...'

"What? It's been ten years. . . She's had six kids for goodness sake. She can't still be the fairest of them all!"

"Of course I love your long hair Rapunzel. But maybe you could shave your legs just once in a while?"

"This is more than a look. This is a context."

"Naturally curly hair."

Male Green Beret applying face camouflage - female Green Beret applying lipstick.

A little powder and a little paint makes a girl what she ain't!

What puberty used to do. What puberty apparently does now.

How to have long, luscious hair in two easy steps 1) Have short, luscious hair. 2) Don't cut it.

"That wasn't a complete waste of time. There were doughnuts."