Beauty Queen Pillows

'Who ordered the Brazilian?'

'Botox you fool! not buttocks!'

Mary Christmas preparing for her big night out.

"I can't give you a sick note, not for a broken nail."

A Manicure

'Stop laughing - Have you never seen a girl putting her make-up on?'

'Look! Mum's furious at the cost of her botox treatment'

'Ok, ok... I'm coming but with all those CCTV camera about I like to look my best.'

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

"Remember girls - these are evil and must be punished!!"

"Believe me, you never looked better since you fell into that vast of skin cream."

I was at the beauty parlour for four hours...and that was just for the quote!

'I know exactly what you mean...men are such hot heads!'

Miss Advertising transformed in the dressing room.

'After having the botox injections in my lips I can handle really hot coffee.'

'Bit strong, this bikini wax!'

'Finally. Her lipstick is just right.'

Woman Gets Taken Away By Hairdryer.

"You must be patient, Mrs. Wast fall. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know."

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

Sunspots

Headline: Miss World moved to London - 'Why so much fuss about a woman getting stoned?'

1950's Lady.

"Well. It was looking good until that last hot flash."

"The secret to looking good is to be good-looking."

Lady of the Cake.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

A day at the races

Miss America IQ Pageant

'Have you no common scents?!'

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

Chef Cake Topper

'-and we offer trauma counselling at no extra cost!'