Beauty Queen Fun Pillows

The Misinformed Pageant - "The capital of Mexico is Mexico town..." "The duck is the largest flightless bird..." "Consuming buttered scones can lead to pregnancy."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Miss America IQ Pageant

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

A Manicure

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"You must be patient, Mrs. Wast fall. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know."

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

'Stop laughing - Have you never seen a girl putting her make-up on?'

The return of Miss Subways

"Believe me, you never looked better since you fell into that vast of skin cream."

"Getting a Brazilian has been nothing like I expected."

I just want to look natural. You know, like a movie star.

Hospital gown pageant.

'Finally. Her lipstick is just right.'

'After having the botox injections in my lips I can handle really hot coffee.'

Miss Advertising transformed in the dressing room.

"One day, I'll have teeth like pearls...skin like silk...and a mind like a steel trap!"

"Now, open your cosmetics fridge and delicately apply the cold hard cash to the area around your eyes."

"It turs out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

Mary Christmas preparing for her big night out.

Woman Gets Taken Away By Hairdryer.

Circus Pageant

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

'These facial wraps work great on dead skin.'

Future beauty pageant contestants' Christmas wish.

Linda Carter played Wonder Woman on the odl TV show. Her dad was Irish-American and her mom was Mexican-American. Before that, she was Miss World USA. Before that, she was forced by her abuelita to eat beauty and muscle foods like rice and beans."

'I know exactly what you mean...men are such hot heads!'

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

Artist asking a lady to sit for him

"Have you ever been young before?"