Beauty Product Junkie Pillows

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

Shampoo.

Lesser known greek gods,

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"Too much concealer?"

"I don't like your application."

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

New Twenty Blades

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

'You do Botox?'

"I could afford a degree in broadcast journalism, but not the makeup."

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

'Slices Mandy! Just slices!'

'Stop laughing - Have you never seen a girl putting her make-up on?'

"Now, open your cosmetics fridge and delicately apply the cold hard cash to the area around your eyes."

'Mildred....is that you?'

'I like this shampoo. It says here: 'Not tested on animals'!'

"So what's your success rate?"

'Finally. Her lipstick is just right.'

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

Whatever look you were aiming for..you missed!

"You're using too much concealer Sharon. . ."

Joan Collins

'Well if you can't make me look like Cameron Diaz, just re-apply my lipstick and touch-up my mascara thanks.'

"Honestly Xanthe. You really need to start spending more on the lipsticks you lend me."

Just stop (macassar) oil

The entire family

'Well, I actually believe my face cream makes me look younger. You believe no one knows you're wearing a padded bra. . . we all love our delusions.'

'These facial wraps work great on dead skin.'

Beauty regime

"I have the smokey eyes look. Can the doctor still give me an eye exam?"

Cut out and keep your own Make up Artist.

"You have a very rare conditioner."

Medusa, 6 P.M. Friday.